First, I want to thank all those who have been supportive of me. Thanks for your encouraging comments and “Like” on Facebook. Those really help to keep me going, there’s nothing like public approval, support, and cheer. Thank you!

Ok, so since I’ve been tracking my calories and weight loss on MyFitnessPal I’ve lost 7 lbs. Since I started doing this I’ve actually lost about 10 lbs. Unfortunately, the rapid weight loss of 1-2 lbs everyday is over, guess the honeymoon is over.

Regardless of the plateau I’m happy to stay on track. I actually feel better. I don’t feel that bloated feeling all day, all night, and still when I wake up. I actually feel real hunger pains again! Not the “I want to eat hunger pains.”

I have more energy too; I haven’t “needed” a nap after work all week! Another bonus is that I’m so hydrated! My hands and feet aren’t swollen; they don’t look like ginger roots! Surprisingly, I don’t have dark circles and puffs under my eyes; water does a body good!

I haven’t measured my waist, hips, and bust sizes yet. I’m saving that for 20lbs. I really don’t want to get discouraged by measurements that haven’t changed. So I won’t measure myself until then… maybe not even then. The downside is that I noticed my boobies shrink. ☹ Boo! I didn’t realize they shrunk until a couple days ago when I put on a tank top over my bra. Before I lost the water weight the tank top squeezed my boobies and made them look like two water balloons ready to pop. Now, they’re just boobies in a tank top.

Why oh why couldn’t I just loose it in the chin or belly first? Why couldn’t the fat in my chin just slide on down into the fun bags? Nevertheless I continue to count my calories and hope the boobies don’t go away.

Some of you are probably wondering what I eat. I’ve stayed away from treats: candy, ice cream, soda, even juice. Slim Fast everyday does get old so yesterday I bought a bunch of Morning Star Farms vegetarian meals. They’re so good! My favorites are Hickory BBQ Riblets and Buffalo Wings Veggie Wings. I only drink water; I figured I’d save the calories for food. I consume between 1,000 to 1,200 calories a day plus a multi-vitamin.

Lunch is kind of like my happy meal, I’ll eat whatever I feel like as long as I leave enough calories for dinner so I don’t die of starvation at night. Like today I had Popeye’s Chicken (1 breast, 1 biscuit, 2tbsp red beans and rice = 680 calories). For dinner I had a Slim Fast shake = 190 calories. So I still have about 330 calories to consume, I could have snack but I’m still full from lunch, plus I could use that to take back the calories I over ate when I ordered Chinese food a few days ago. Normally, I would have breakfast, which is a Slim Fast bar or shake, but I was too busy at work this morning to scarf something down. And yes, I’m too lazy to get up early enough to get breakfast before heading for work.

Again, thank you for supporting me in this super hard task. Please join me tonight and chant… “DD cups stay, fat belly go away!” Say it with me… “DD cups stay, fat belly go away!”

Created by MyFitnessPal – Free Calorie Counter

Ok, so everyone who knew me when I was a kid I was a fat kid. Anyway, I was fat in grade school and fat in high school. Then I joined the Air Force and shed all that “baby weight.” Then somewhere down the line… ok… when I moved to Japan I just lost all motivation to continue working out and watching what I ate. So Japan was like 8 years ago! So after 8 years of gluttony and sloth, tonight, I decided it’s time to make a change.

I’ve been saying it for years “I’ll start tomorrow.” Well tomorrow has come and gone many times, about 2,920 times!

So, I’ve been thinking what can I do to make myself commit? What kind of motivation can I muster to really hold myself to this? Every other motivations never caught on… like fitting a size 2 again, looking great, walking up a flight of stairs without pausing midway to catch my breath, or doing more than easy sex positions! You’d think any one of these motivations, especially the last, would get my ass in gear. You’d think all these motivations combined would make me get on the treadmill and never get off until I lost all the excess fat.

Unfortunately, I found more reasons not to start… so many reasons I can’t even remember what they are. All I know are they weren’t reasons; they were excuses.  Stupid excuses that made me gain 10 pounds more every time I uttered the words “I’ll start tomorrow.”

Ok, now you’re thinking well if all those motivations were trumped by all the excuses what was it about tonight that made me decide to commit? And what is the thing that will make me commit?

The answer to the first question is really simple and super stupid compared to all the other motivations. I watched this video on YouTube by Kandee Johnson, The Skin Doctor: Lemon Trick. Yeah, what’s that got to do with losing weight? Well it all started from watching that video, then I watched more of her videos. As I continued watching Kandee I kept thinking, “oh, god I miss being beautiful,” and “wow, I really miss playing with beauty products and actually caring what I looked like.” I was thinking, “I really miss looking at myself in the mirror.” Yeah, that’s really vain. It’s true, it’s vain. And I think its time for me to trade one sin for another, gluttony for vanity.

The answer to the second question, well that’s more tricky because as I fantasized about looking at myself in the mirror again without wanting to vomit I was also thinking, “I’ve gotta come up with something to commit to.” I came up with committing to a  declaration shared to the world. Shared to anyone who reads this blog. Shared to anyone who cares. Shared to anyone who supports me. A declaration to get back into shape. To trade gluttony for vanity, sloth for lust.

Of course the declaration isn’t enough, I mean hell, I could keep saying that for another 8 years right? So what I’m going to do is to produce a weekly blog on my progress. For me to keep track. And for those who care… hopefully, you care enough to subscribe and support me by keeping track as well. To give me praise when I do well and to give me shit when I don’t.

Tomorrow is today. Today, I got on the elliptical machine for 20 minutes and worked off 172 calories. Baby steps.

In September 2008 Tay was hit by a life threatening syndrome called GBS, Gullian-Barre Syndrome. Not fatal to younger folks but very possibly fatal to seniors. In October 2008, I went back to Baguio for a month to stay be with Nay and Tay during this painful ordeal. As time went on I began feeling hopeless, when doctors tell you “we are still hopeful” that to me really means “prepare for the worst, there is nothing we can do.” And it really seemed like there was nothing they could do but manage the pain. I saw pain and frustration in his eyes when his entire body was paralyzed from the neck down.

My month stay was up, and there were no improvements in his health. His heart was starting to give out, he was tired. I was ready to accept the worst, almost welcomed it because seeing the strongest man I know lay there helpless and in pain was difficult.

Guilt. Now, just a year after since his diagnosis he is back on his feet, back at home, and regaining strength. I feel so much joy when I receive news of his new found strength and recovery, at the same time I feel so much guilt. I was so weak, I gave up on hope.

Tay truly is the strongest man I know. His will and love for Nay is so strong. The love between them is like the flame of life. I truly believe that their love make their hearts stronger, their love keeps them alive.

Here’s a video of  Tay walking! Thank you Tita Pya for taking so much time out of your life to be with Nay and Tay, and keeping all of us posted.

[ Javascript required to view QuickTime movie, please turn it on and refresh this page ]

Although my trip to the Philippines was to see Tay in the hospital and help Nay at home I was excited to have a break from my normal life. I needed a change of pace and my trip to the Philippines was just what I needed to refresh. It was tough being back in Baguio, the sight of Tay helpless was very upsetting and it felt surreal because he is one of the strongest men I know. He is Nay’s rock and lifeline, to see him lay in a hospital bed was a nightmare none of us ever seen coming true. Of course with this kind of situation everyone is tense, stressed, afraid, and lost… it consumed me. I had a really difficult time coping and there was more drama than expected. Drama with Nay, drama with Yen… just drama all around. Toward the end of the trip I couldn’t help but believe that the reason our entire family is spread throughout the world is because at close proximity of each other we would explode.

Yen and I left Baguio a day early because there was a typhoon in the area. It turned out quite nicely because the hotel we stayed at, Dusit Thani Manila, was a great place to end a very stressful trip. We arrived just in time to have a late lunch and relax a bit before we met with our cousin Phoebe for dinner. At dinner we talked about our stay in Baguio and family matters+drama. The funny thing is that the three of us came to the conclusion that everyone in the family is separated by oceans because there is too much drama when we’re together for long periods of time. We’re like a prime time soap in real life. The great thing about all the drama is that after the all the insanity we have stories to tell and laugh about.

Needless to say I was missing my life. I missed being home with Steve and the babies (yes of course my dogs included, they are my babies after all). The long “break” I had from them was long enough and I’m so glad to be back home. No matter where I lived in the world home was always Baguio, but now I realize that home is where the heart is, and my heart is here with Steve.

Last year, Steve and I came to Baguio for a week to spend some time with Nay and Tay. It was a lovely visit, we stayed at the Baguio Country Club where Tay and Steve played a round of golf. That trip was so short and we knew for sure that we would be back here for a longer visit. Little did we know I was going to be here about a year later for a much longer period of time, but for reasons we never expected.

Read the rest of this entry »

Our household goods arrived Mannheim Thursday last week and was delivered to our house this past Thursday. Luckily this is a four day weekend for Steve, it gives us a lot of time to unpack most of the boxes and put together the remaining disassembled furnture.

The delivery truck arrived around 10am, there were three burly men who worked very efficiently. The unwrapped the stuff outside so it there was very little trash and dirt that entered the house. Sad to say though, they were very displeased with the way the American movers packed our stuff. They used way too much paper and tape, and to top it they even threw in all their extra wrapping paper and boxes in the last crate! Our desks were destroyed, usable but definitely messed up, parts of the desks were just ripped up instead of taken off carefully with tools. The entertainment center and other smaller furniture were all completely disassembled, so frustrating! As we’re putting stuff back together we notice that they’re not going back as neatly and perfectly as the first build. We all had brand new bikes, they completely took them appart and now won’t go back together the brakes don’t brake. Claims office here we come!

Other than those mishaps everything else seems to be intact. Our bedroom set and living room set are safe! All my picture frames are in great condition. The best part of all this is that all the laundry I packed in the vacuum seal bags remain fresh, the vacuum packaging held up the entire move! When we open them I can still smell the fresh laundry scent! Yay, I don’t have to rewash all the clothes, blankets, and towels! We got a lot accomplished today. The master bedroom is almost done and same with the office. The kids did a lot of work in their rooms too. Steve got the kitchen about 80% done. The living room and dining room are mostly unpacked we just have to take the boxes to the recycle center on base. The hard part will be sorting through the basement, most of our electronics and appliances will not work here so most of them will be in storage.  All our televisions!

Tomorrow is another day, I think we will be able to turn the house into a home tomorrow… just in time for me to go on a long vacation to the Philippines.

1 out of 100,000 people are affected by GBS, those odds are unimaginable. Those odd are comparable to winning the lottery, why couldn’t our family have gotten that instead? The past week has been really tough for the family because our Tay is in a fragile state. From having a having a great time at the beach, then having some back pain, and then being told he has GBS. Tita Pya has been sending us daily updates since she arrived Baguio. Every morning when I wake up I check email to find out about Tay’s progress; it seems that he just kept on getting worse from back pain to now at a critical state. Today, I woke up and got the fifth update and she said he is still critical but stable.

I’ve been reading about GBS, and been reading the NINDS website on GBS over and over. From the updates I’ve been receiving his condition is as spelled out on the fact sheet. It’s like the doctors are reading off a rap sheet on GBS about Tay. I wonder, do all GBS patients show these symptoms as systematically as it is described? Or are the doctors really just reading off a rap sheet? I hope not, I think not. I have great faith in the doctors in the Philippines, after all our most loved neurologist saved Mama’s life from two aneurisms. As I gather, I think he’s one of the doctors looking over Tay right now. Tita Pya said that the super antibiotics the doctors gave Tay a couple days ago seem to be helping him. According to the NINDS, GBS patients will peak in their condition then start to stabilize and move forward to recovery. Of course with Tay’s age, we are praying for all the strength he can harness because recovery takes from days, weeks, months, or even years. There is no known cure, there’s just recovery.

I want to thank everyone for your kind email and comments. I’ve been receiving so many kind words, thank you so much. I just want you to know that I really appreciate it. And I truly appreciate your prayers for Tay, he needs all the blessing he can get. I also hope that you understand why I am short in my responses or don’t respond at all. Also, some of you might wonder why I’m writing all this in a blog for the whole world to see. Personal family business is not everyone’s business. Well for me it’s my way of getting things out, a way for me to release and calm down. If I just keep it to myself and hold it in I’d explode, at least this way I get it out and controlled because I know I have to be careful of what I say and think. If I hold it in my mind races, and for those truly close to me you know how that goes.

Next week I will be traveling back to Baguio to see Tay, who is very sick. It is very difficult for me to comprehend his condition because we’ve always known Tay as the strong one, the one who takes care of everything, especially Nay. When I heard the news, I initially thought he would be okay in a week because his strength will pull him through. Then later, Ma told us he has Guillain-Barré Syndrome (GBS). After looking up what GBS is I started to worry. It all started with some back pain which has now progressed to an almost paralyzed state. At Nay’s fragile state, still trying to fully recover from her illness and Tay’s situation adds a tremendous amount of stress on her. Tita Pya is there right now which makes things a little better; she is able to give Nay some comfort and keep us posted on Tay’s health.

The odd thing about this trip of mine is that for the past two to three months I’ve been telling Steve I want to go home and just stay there for a while to be with Nay and Tay. Little did I know that my feeling of nostalgia would bring upon this abrupt trip home. I definitely need to muster up a lot of strength and self composure; it is hard for me to see Nay and Tay in pain and suffering, I just want them to be healthy, happy, and live very long lives.

There are some issues I am going through right now that some of you would be curious to know how I feel and how I am dealing. I’ve decided to write about these very personal thoughts in a private blog. I do much better at sharing my feelings through a blog because I can sort out my thoughts better instead of responding to “how are you” emails and phone calls. A blog would be better articulated and less vent-y.
The personal and private blogs will be password protected. The password will be emailed to registered users on my website. If you would like the password without registering leave a comment so I can send it to you.
Click here to register.